LIFE REALLY IS A
CLASSROOM!
By Cathy
Finney
“Listen, are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?”
---Mary Oliver
In his book, “Life Can Be This Good,” Jan Goldstein shows us that we
need to pay closer attention so that we can LIVE a life, really live OUR life.
“I am convinced that the most vibrant seekers of wonder are those
who do not and cannot take life for granted. These are the people who see
themselves, not as victims, but as survivors. They are open to the elixir of
life. .
. . . the NOW!”
We need to be awakened to this sense of “now.” “NOW,” NOT what
happened
BEFORE. WHAT is happening “NOW.”
Many years ago a good friend asked me the
world’s greatest question, “What are you going to do yesterday???” Is this
NOT
the world’s greatest question??? We CAN’T change it! THAT’S why it’s
called
YESTERDAY. But how many of us keep dwelling on the yesterdays, the would ‘a,
could ‘a, should ‘a’s, and if only’s
and of course the somedays. Well,
I am
here to tell you what you already know. Yesterday is gone. “Someday” is not
a day of the week. Someday is ‘NOW!”
“Passion kept one fully in the present,
so that time became
a series of mutually exclusive ‘nows.’”
---Sue Halpern
Let’s go then. Let’s get PASSIONATE! Let’s look at the
lessons that
are
being taught RIGHT “now!”
One of my “now” lessons became a WOW! A REAL wake-up call about what I
could and could not control. Was I going to face this “health bulletin” head
on or was I going to run for “cover,” literally and figuratively?? The first
chapter of my new play book was titled, “What I can and can’t control.”
The
thing I had absolute power and control over was my attitude. It was one of my
first and many lessons, but it was a big one. In fact, it was HUGE! I now
realize that my A. Q. (Attitude Quotient) is much more important then my I.Q.
Yes,
it is so true . . . Attitude isn’t everything . . . It’s the ONLY thing!
“A hardened attitude is a dreaded disease.
It causes a closed mind.”
“Attitude 101”
---John C. Maxwell
By working on and improving my A.Q., I can get better at approaching
life from an entirely positive perspective. What some call a “no limit
people.” These people don’t accept the limits of life.
For them, the sky and
beyond
IS the ONLY limit! Yes, that is one of my ultimate goals.
. . to become a “no
limit people!” Only people who believe that there are
limits, set them. They
set their limits, their boundaries. They make sure that they do achieve those
limits . . . and then having done THAT . . they quit! Well, THAT was smart!
WHY would you limit yourself to doing or being ANYTHING??? WHY?? MS is an
obstacle all its own. Why would any of us create more of them by limiting
OURSELVES???
“I can be changed by what happens to me.
But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
---Maya Angelou
Are some days harder than others??? You bet! I am most certainly no
Polyanna. I am just determined, “hell bent” if you
will, on turning this
obstacle
into an opportunity. I truly do believe that there is a reason I have this
disease, and I am going to make it work. Work for me, but most importantly to
help others make it work for them.
“We make a living by what we get.
We make a life by what we give.”
---Winston Churchill
Life, to me has become a GOOD “4 letter-word” that stands for “pop
quizzes!” Yes, each and everyday there IS another one. But, if we’re smart,
REALLY
SMART . . . it’s what keeps us sharp. It’s what keeps us going! Going &
Growing. Doing & Being! Being & Becoming . . . Better & Better!
One of my many “aha! moments,”
as I call them, came from Stephan
Rechtschaffen. In his book, “Time Shifting,” he says
that you “have to
slow down to
show up.” Being diagnosed with MS was God’s way of making me slow down, show
up, and live, really live in “the moment.” Before, I just kept “dancing as
fast as I can.” NOW I was being taught to stop, B-R-E-A-T-H-E-. I was being
forced to take a look around. Wow! What I view! What a lesson! I was not only
learning how to live IN the moment. I was making REAL sure that I didn’t MISS
a
moment!
Pema Chodron in her book,
“Start Where You Are,” puts it this way:
“One can appreciate and celebrate each moment
There is nothing more sacred
There is nothing more vast or absolute
In fact, there is nothing more.”
I’m learning to celebrate. I’m learning to LIVE life. (Hey, I’m even
meditating WHO would have ever thought???)
NOW I’m taking each and everyday as a new adventure to forge ahead.
“When you get to the end of all the light you know and it’s time to step
into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing
that one of two things
shall happen: either you will be given something solid to stand on, or you will
be taught how to fly.”
--- Barbara J. Winter
Yes, it was time to assess what I would have normally done OR not done
before my own personal “D-day.” You know, THAT day. The day
when the
Diagagnosis for this Disease became official.
THE Day that my life and yours
would now
be Determined if this Dilema would Defeat us or make
us Dare to take on this
new challenge. Dare us to view it as an Obstacle or an
believer that it’s not what happens to you in life. It’s WHAT you do with
what happens to you.
Richard Carlson, author of “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff,” states in
his
new book, “What about the Big Stuff,”
“What appears to be on the surface a disappointment, is just that
--- the surface. What lies beneath is the mystery.. . . .
Having faith in this mystery, is the doorway to freedom. We can learn
to trust that just because we can’t see an acceptable reason for something
doesn’t mean it’s not there. We begin to know that despite the
disappointment
we feel, and even the pain, there is within each experience a gift, something
to learn, or even an opportunity.”
Mr. Maxwell makes this point as well, “When God wants to educate someone,
He does not send him to the school of graces but to the
school of
necessities.”
I was being enrolled in the school of necessities, and I didn’t even
remember signing up. I didn’t think I had registered for this. Did I? Why
WOULD
I???
Fear, one of my 4-letter “F” words. It moved in
overnight and from what
I could tell signed a VERY long lease, because it sure didn’t want to move
out. Well, it wasn’t paying the rent, I was. This “roomie”
was becoming my
worst
enemy instead of my best friend.
It was time. Time to go beyond the fear. Time to make
the fear work FOR
me.
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the
judgement that something is more important than
fear.”
---Ambrose Redmoon
“We have to rethink the meaning of fear. We were hardwired toward
fight or flight, but now, maybe separating from the tribe means LIFE. Maybe
fear
is a signal that we’re on the right path.”
---Frances Moore Lappe
Recently my best friend sent me a card that said:
“Whatever you fear you can conquer as long as you believe in
yourself.”
Each and everyday I try so very hard to do just that . . . Believe in me.
Some days this task seems monumental. Talk about a tough assignment! Then I
remember that it all starts and ends with “Attitude.” YOU CHOOSE!
To quote Mr. Goldstein,
“”Your glass can never be empty when you drink from the waters of
possibility.”
MS is not only teaching me what is possible, it is also teaching me the
art of resilience. It’s helping me know how much I have to learn, and how much
stronger I have to become to really heed and understand all the lessons that I
am being taught. Each class has became a new
adventure, a new path on my
journey. One of my best and favorite teachers is Dr. Fred Epstein. In his book,
“If I Get To Five,” he has written about the courage
of children who have
been
diagnosed with cancer. No, it is not maudlin. It is not depressing. What it IS
is a celebration of life, guts, heart, and determination. These “kids” who
are hurting and scared reach out to help other “kids” so that they know that
they’re in this battle together. How do they do this? As Dr. Epstein explains,
their motto, “Commit Random Acts of Kindness.” He goes on to elaborate.
“There is nothing random about acts of kindness. Compassion is an active verb
with
moral consequence.” (THAT should be a bumper sticker on every vehicle on the
planet!)
One of my greatest insights and my biggest lesson so far, I learned from
Dr. Epstein and the wise “old” scholars who I met in his book. They and MS
tauught me, IT’S NOT ABOUT ME .
. & most of all to GET OVER MYSELF!!!! (THAT
particular chant I do on an hourly basis!”) You see, I decided . . . .Yes, MS
is
a PART of my life. But, I am not going to let it BECOME my life. I look at it
as an inconvenience . . . .a MINOR inconvenience. This
is harder to do some
days than others. I have alot of pain in my legs with
this disease. . . . pain
that is constant. But, instead of focusing on how much I hurt, I tune into all
my “teachers.” Those working with Dr. Epstein, and my “new
best friend,”
Mattie Stepanek, the poet. His wisdom, his
special gift of poetry that says so
very much to each and everyone of us. Wow! I look at
him at all that he has
achieved and created. I look at him with such admiration and awe, and envy. He
has achieved more, and lived more in his short 13 years, than most people will
ever attain in their lifetime. All, from this young “man,” who lives in a
wheelchair, on a ventilator, and on oxygen! It is DEFINITELY no longer about
me.
Yes, I AM learning to get over myself, because I am learning from the
“masters!”
There are some lessons I would have rather NOT had to learn. There are
some classes I STILL don’t want to attend. Having to
take this curriculum is
very hard. It is something I never would have signed up for. The teachings
encompass how to handle human nature, human perception, and “humans” in
general.
These particular courses are teaching me patience, compassion, empathy, and
understanding. I have come to realize that this is a very special GIFT that I
am
receiving.
Some, who I thought were my “friends,” seem to have been abducted to
another planet. WHERE did they go?? WHY aren’t they here when I need them the
most??? I have come to recognize that it is not that they don’t care, it’s
just
that THEY don’t know how to handle this. They are afraid for you, and they
don’t want you to see it. Others just feel awkward, and embarassed.
They
don’t
know how to deal with the situation. They don’t KNOW what to say.
I’m finding that I’m excluded from outside activities in the summer,
because they know that my legs do not “DO” heat. This bothered me alot at
first.
Then I remembered that “sweaty” is not one of my better looks anyway!
I now have to use a cane. Actually, I have fifteen of them. I figure that
since I have to use one, it is now my new fasion
accessory. Because of my
“walking stick,” my aunt now considers my a “cripple.”
Well, I am here
to tell
you, cane, walker, or wheelchair does not define a “cripple.” I know people
who are narrow-minded, bigoted and unforgiving. To me, they are the TRULY
disabled! Their small minded thoughts, and judgemental behavior define the word
“disabled.” Who am I? Who are we to judge anyone??? Give me a cane anyday!
My NEW 4-letter “F-word” is now “fine.” That has become my canned
response whenever anyone asks how I am. I NOW know that the best way to respond
is
“fine.” It doesn’t help me or THEM by telling them how I REALLY feel. You
see, it makes some people feel bad, some people don’t REALLY want to know, and
others just plain sorry that they asked. By using my standard “F-word” reply
I
find it lets them off the hook, I can focus on them NOT me, we can both move
on to topics that concern us both, and we can NOW talk about the reason that
they REALLY called.
Now back to the good stuff. One of the most valuable lessons that I have
learned is that I am truly blessed. You see, I’ve come to realize that I only
meet the “world’s greatest humans!” Airports, grocery stores, or my
favorite
hangout, Barnes & Noble they all just magically appear. How cool is this!
People really are wonderful. I now know not to shut down, and not to shut
them out. You just can’t meet “the world’s greatest humans” that way!
I have so much more to LEARN, so much more to DO, so much more to BE.
With each new day that goes by I focus on learning to live in the land of
possibility. The land of “NOW.”
“Waste no more time talking about great souls
& how they should be.
Become one yourself.”
---Marcus Aurelius
Yes, now is the time to enroll in the school of life.
To become one of
“the” SCHOLARS who are truly learning, and truly living.
In “Attitude 101,” it is pointed out that, “life can be likened to a
grindstone. Whether it grinds you down or polishes you depends
upon what you are
made of ~ your attitude.” Or as I like to say ATTITUDE = ALTITUDE! That’s
right. Now IS the time to soar! The time to take off!
AND ~
THE time to “cop” an A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E!!!
Class Dismissed!!!
Cathy
Finney